While I talk with clients, I listen for phrases they say frequently. If someone repeats a phrase in session, they are likely repeating it to themselves, possibly on a daily basis. Their friends might say yes, they’ve heard it, too. The person who is doing the “negative self-talk” might not realize how often it comes out of their mouth! It might be something like “I hate my job” or “I won’t succeed here” or self-deprecating statements like “I’m stupid” or ”I can’t do anything right”.
When you repeat something to yourself or out loud, it can become deeply ingrained in your mind. It takes on a power of its own. The words start to feel like “truth”. There may be aspects of the job that you don’t like – but do you truly hate it? If not, stop telling yourself that you do, because those words keep you feeling angry and resentful, even while you are planning to stay in that job. If you honestly say “yes, I really hate it!”, then by all means, stop the complaints and start taking steps. Give yourself permission to get out. Your well-being is worth the effort.
If you’re repeating things like “I’m stupid” or “I’ll never make it”, that’s a big, bad message to your subconscious. You might have started saying this to be funny or to shy away from attention. If you had bad experiences with people putting you down when you were younger, you may have picked up that message - and now you’re just doing it to yourself. You didn’t deserve that to begin with, so cut it out!
The first step is to notice when the phrases crop up. What are the circumstances? Are you sick of hearing them? Would you like to replace them with something better? If so, take action! Find someone to work with you on fixing that broken record. Depending on the circumstances, coaching or therapy can help you shift your thinking.
I can help you learn new strategies and steps to take, and even physical moves and brain-based exercises which stop the anxious/negative internal routines. You can practice consciously "re-framing" the statements. You can make a point of saying things in a stronger, clearer, more confident way. When you use techniques to speak with integrity and self-respect, your brain - and those around you - will get the message.
So… what else can you say?!